Road Lines

   Driving home the other day I came upon a scene where a driver got stranded on the road blocking traffic on a two lane road. Other drivers, instead of trying to help the stranded person move their car off the road, instead tried to go around. There was no paved shoulder and it had been raining and three more cars got stuck. You would think after the first car got stuck, that would warn everyone following NOT to try the same thing. It didn’t. But it did remind me of when living back in my home state, I worked for a service industry where I had to drive over most of the state everyday. As a result I saw some odd, and sometimes funny things. One such was on the Warrior River Rd, which goes through the woods, is very curvy and unlighted at night. The county had finally commissioned to have the center lines repainted. There are no lines on the sides of the road (or weren’t at that time). At one point the new line took a sharp left turn across a ditch and into the woods. I don't know how this happened, but maybe a bee flew in the window of the line-painting truck making the driver panic.
   But the other thing is there is a very popular watering hole down that road called the River Cafe (it's also said to be a very good restaurant though I've never eaten there). And the patrons driving home at night would find their way home by staying between the white lines. In reality, there is only one line in the middle of the road. Now, I've never seen it happen but I've wondered...

(fictitious speculation from here)

   I mean, picture it. A guy stumbles out of the place to his truck; fumbles with his keys and finally makes it into his truck. After closing one eye he gets the key in the ignition and starts it up. He even manages to back up and exit the parking lot with only minimal damage to himself, his truck, other trucks, and sundry (the sundry is the best part). Now he gets on the road and feels much better because although there is only one line in the middle of the road, he's see's two lines and he knows all he has to do is stay between them to stay on the road. He knows as well that it's very unlikely that he will hit a pedestrian because all the hunters still in the woods are stuck there because it's dark. And they are likely in no condition to find their CAR, much less the road.
   So he's driving home, very slowly because he doesn't want to drive off the road. He decides the radio station is NOT the one he wants, so he starts fiddling with the dial. (In Alabama it is against God, Religion, and the American Way to do this before you start driving) He glances up and sees the lines going left, and thinking he is making a curve he winds up in the woods. Not comprehending why he can't see the road lines anymore he keeps on going until he butts up against a tree. Not realizing he is not moving anymore he keeps his foot on the gas. After a while realizing he is not moving he turns off the car.
   Now, in the morning when he wakes up and realizes he is in the woods, being a man of 'a-plumb' and 'edjeekayshun', he writes this off as another of God's great mysteries. Finding out he cannot back up to get out of the woods he gets out of the truck to discover his wheels buried in the dirt. Cursing "those f****ing gophers", he reaches into the back of the truck for a shovel and digs out. With much effort, loud explicative’s and a splitting headache he eventually makes it to either home or work (likely never seeing the road lines that put him in the woods) and starts the cycle again. And oh yeah, all trucks in Alabama have a shovel in the back. unless they've loaned it to a buddy or had it "borrowed" by a soul in need.

   Now, I do not condone drinking and driving. After having had one DUI (when I thought I was being careful) that cost me $15,000 in fines and required donations; another $1000 in probation officer bribes... I mean, fees. Eighty hours of community service (which I actually enjoyed) and a ten year blemish on my record; I learned my lesson. It is sheer tragedy the things that sometimes happen when people drive while intoxicated or otherwise impaired, and I am eternally thankful that I never caused any of that kind of thing. But neither do these things diminish the occasional humorous times when things are relatively harmless. Even pacifists tell war-stories. Wake-up calls can be very expensive, and not just to yourself. But it is also true that not all wake-up calls are tragic, evocative of damage, or even harmful.
   If you party away from home be safe. Prepare ahead. If you go to a bar and have no designated driver, many bars have a bus to take you home. ALL bars will call you a cab. Or stop drinking at least an hour (or longer) before driving home. Do not eat after consuming alcohol (in order to sober up faster) as this slows down the rate at which your body metabolizes it and you will stay intoxicated longer. If you are at a friend's place, prepare for the possibility of needing to stay overnight. Pack a pillow, blanket and clean clothes in the trunk. Surrender your keys at the door going in. If you are at home try to make sure you have everything you need beforehand. Snacks, smokes (if you smoke) and sundry. And most important of all, toilet paper! I’ve never been able to decide if there really is such a thing as “intelligent partying”, but five minutes of foresight can indeed prevent lifetimes of regret.

Think ahead. Be well. Be healthy. Be happy all.

Netlingo

   I was looking up some things in the Urban Dictionary. The XDXD thing wasn't on the list yet. I assume it is a reincarnated version of the XOXO (hug's and kisses) of an older generation used primarily on notes passed in class or frilly stationary (sometimes perfumed) to express the sender's UL4HT. Or perhaps its definition is as yet amorphous. And too, before the electronic age few expressions were acromynized or emblemized. In my enjoyment of the evolution of language, I find it's interesting to note the things that (seem to) have disappeared. What ever happened to "suck face", "swap spit", or "tongue wrestling", among others? In a world long past I would have thought those were 2G2B4G! Ah, the folly of it all.
   Intriguing to me as well in the evolution of netlingo (born of the early SMS text world) is the inevitable necessity of having to explain new terms with far greater number of characters. Isn't the search for posterity wonderful? I can see some future 60 year olds sitting in a park somewhere reminiscing, "Remember when I created the abbreviation for Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Silly Blonde Ass Off With My Feet Sticking in the Air and Shaking All Over? AITS? Ah those were the days, weren't they?"
   Back in the day most acronyms were for math notation so mathematicians didn't have to constantly write [The Big Bang Theory That Explains Everything And Describes How You Went From Twinkle In Daddy's Eye To Lord High Muckity Muck of Bojangletown]. Acronyms were used a great deal in politics, and the military. And emblems (emoticons nowadays) were often business logos. I worked for a company with "oyo" in the name, but when you do it like this (OYO) becomes "boobs".
  One thing though is the spot of vengeance time take on all of us. In 40+ years from now when for the current generation being in the "hip crowd" means the group of people waiting in line at the Orthopedic Clinic for hip replacements, having gone through the transformations from "hip" (cool) to "grup" (grownup) to "fog" (fogey), it will hit them as well. They will look around and realise they cannot understand their own children and say, "What the hell are those bratty whippersnappers TALKING about nowadays"?

~WECROR~ maybe there IS such a thing as justice for all.





UL4HT= Undying Love For Heart Throb
AITS= Ain't I The S**t
EOTS= Enough Of That S**t
WELROR= Wicked Evil Laugh Reminiscent Of Renfield